omg it's the end of 2012 d!

i cnt imagine that now is almost the end of 2012 d! guess what will happen in this moment? the end of the world? or a brand new beginning or mankind? no one can give the exact answer. while, at least now, i am still survive, but doing nothing at home, waiting for the postman to come and pass me a very important letter that will gonna change my life. i am soon to be come a pharmacist, well, a provisional registered pharmacist at least, serve for the health of citizen though, great huh?
it has been a very long time i do not open my own blog and write something, so why this time how come back to this site again? the answer is the same like previous posting: BORING~

i can't really imagine how i look in future. i am d 25 and yet still single. i enjoy my life to be alone, although sometime may wish to get someone sleep beside me.. but not doing that kind of thing u know, please...

i really hope i can work at Perak state, i am tired of staying far far away from home. dad and mum are old d, and seem like they need to get used to live and depend on each other, as there is no more children staying together with them at home. however,  if it happens as not like what i hope, i beg the might God to let me work at a place which have a temple for me to go, at least...
OH GOD! PLEASE FORGIVE MY SINS THAT I HAVE MADE FOR SO LONG....

PLEASE HELP ME TO ACHIEVE WHAT I WANT....

MY HEART WILL FOLLOW YOU FOREVER.........

boring holiday again

do i make a good choice? stay bec at penang and work only for part time.. really so free... and the ms sue hvn reply me anything, again and again, she said she wil email me giving me the task... but she never do so... hope can hear her good news asap.. i found myself not speaking for one whole day... really scare i got schizophrenia, especially after watching the black swan, i really hv a feel like being of the character inside.. lol, dont scare myself...
the new room that i stay now is really unsafe, and now come the new neighbors stay at the other rooms... and they are mat salleh! hope they are friendly, i really scare someday they break in my room and grab wat ever valuable things that i hv, of course include this laptop...
i wil going home this week, and next week wil change room, for the safety purpose, and of course, stay away from those irritating ants...

qing ming is coming

so emo this few days... quiz, assignments, exam, work, temple... all rush in my mind... sadly something hv been sacrificed for these... from a positive view, i can say that it was a relief for not being so emo and angry with some little matter with him, and from a negative view, i feel like i owe him that i hv to paid him in chance... so exam is coming, together with qing ming, all looks very miserable to me... hope i can be strong enuf to handle all kind of challenges in future...

受不了

痛。。。

不知道今晚怎么了，忽然想起了哥哥，心里好难受，那感觉又来了。。。

从佛堂骑motor到宿舍那段路，脑海了充满那场丧礼的情节，从妈告诉我那刻，到后来的太平间，到家里诵经，到焚化场，到我抱怀着哥哥的骨灰，一切情节都那么快发生。。。

都快半年了，说我外表没事，还是依旧嘻嘻哈哈，是假的，也是真的看透了，我也不懂。像今晚那样，洗衣服时也可以洗到一半落泪，还不敢哭得大声，深怕室友看了又不好意思，心好悲，心又痛回了。。。

我不可以伤心，因为伤心真的伤我的心，我不能再活在压抑的生活了，我发现当我开心或专注在某样事情时，才能感觉心脏正常，但当开始坐下来休息时，那压迫感又来了。。。天啊，我到底怎么了？

今年对我来说真的发生很多变化，生活，是可以很无常的，很久没有想过死后的念头了，最近又有这坏习惯，我死了，最担心的， 还是年老的父母，我宁愿希望，他们比我早离开，至少，他们不必再次承受失去儿子的痛苦。。。 不知怎么，我学会把生死看淡了，来对我来说也是好事，至少不必重负remind自己，哥已经死了。我想我死的时候，要放下一切，要放心的离开，要知道我迟早也有一天离开，只是不懂及时，但也不能每天想着死，应该要在我有限的日子里去做该做的事，死，其实也不是很可怕，只不过要对我之前所做的一切负责任，上天要不要受我，我也不懂，毕竟修道修到我这样的，我自己也没信心回去。。。

哥走了，是事实，不能改变了，只能够遗憾，酱年轻就走了，真可惜，没办法。。。

有时，很妒忌别人有幸福完整的家庭，为什么人家能开开心心在一起？从小时候，最开心的时候，就是一家人齐全的一起坐在沙发看电视，虽然电视很小，家境很贫穷，可是那时我最难忘的一幕，大家开开心心的。。。

常常会为妈妈骄傲，张家有两个大学生，都是蛮高等级的职业。。。

可是，原来一切可以改变的。。。我无话说。。。。

meaning of life

why every one is treated with different kind of destiny?
i have seen different kind of people during uni life....
some of them live in a life without any troubles; some gonna headache everyday
some live for enjoying the life; some live for others as a responsible
some may always think about money and money, some juz keep on missing him or her...
some may very desperate to do something, some just waiting someone to be push
some may very care abou marks so read, read and read, some know they should not be controlled by the marks
some like to be serious, some juz like to be funny
what my life will be? just study and study? then exam and exam? then work and work?
Then? wat else?
do i lack of something in my life? perhaps, the other half of my life? or only myself in the rest of my life?

super super super boring.....

help me, i m superb boring now!!
i think i become dumb d in room...
even though someone also become the same....
the mouth never open up to talk
so quiet in room for whole day...
the tension... intensely penetrating in the air....
the quiz... the exam....
when is the holiday...?